So I had initially intended today to take the day off because of the severe amount of bullshit that has been going on because of staffing issues and no one other than a particular 3 getting the shaft in all of it (which I feel a bit left out of because despite being one of the three, I was the only one that didn't get extra hours because of it).  Well, it turned into me taking the day to prep for a phone interview that kept getting moved around, so I wanted to collect my thoughts and all that.

Long story short, the phone interview was to be for a district auditor position still with the company I work for, which would be a slight base pay bump, but with the sheer amount of travel, would involve a lot of milage reimbursements, which would work out to being a substantial bump in pay.  The HR rep initially called to schedule for tomorrow, which got moved to Monday before the call was over.  No big, I'm flexible so long as I don't have to be at work.  So I get to prepping for Monday, going about it semi-leisurely while still collecting my thoughts and what I think she'd be asking me about.  Shortly after I'm supposed to be at work (by now I'd already called out, so I was free), I get a call asking if now is a good time for the interview.  I'm shocked in the first place because I didn't think I'd even get that far in the process, but now I'm flustered because 4 days of possible prep time has been shortened to less than 2 hours, so I was super nervous and slightly less prepared than I'd hoped.

It went okay, I think.  It was supposed to just be like a 45 minute call, but turned into an hour and a half, so it was much longer than I'd expected.  I hold no delusions that I'll get the job, mainly because I don't have a passion for it like some people might, and I don't have technical audit experience that they are looking for, despite doing what they ask and then some on a daily basis (I'm just not required to track and score and all that).  I floundered a lot, but a good bit of that is excusable and written off as it being an impromptu interview that was moved up 3.5 days.  Either way, though I doubt I'll get it, but it was a good experience for me and I've already learned a lot from it.  We'll see what happens...

Current Mood: grateful

And this is awkward for me...twice in less than an hour...and before I'd gone more than a year without a post...damn

Anyway, I'm fed up with them...soon as I posted my last entry, I got pummled on yahoo with not one, not two, but three random bots all at once trying to draw me into a random conversation (seriously...one of them started with "You're not female") and I got 2 bot friend invites on LJ.  They're as bad as the uber-religious leaches that currently have me doing pro-bono design work because they're otherwise incompetent in pretty much every way.  Say what you will, but this isn't even a religious issue for me...that's not my problem, it's general and otherwise mass stupidity that I don't have patience for...

And what's worse, now, is that over the course of writing, I've had yet another bot try to start conversation...it's almost like someone just grabbed one of my many screen names and sent it off to one of those companies that's doing viral IM marketing/research or some crap like that...Ugh...I'm going to bed and hope that this crap is different after the sun comes up.

Current Mood: annoyed

 Anyone who's had the displeasure of being around me in the last couple months can easily attest that I need a change.  I need a new job.  The big purple fedex monster is sucking me dry of everything but my hatred and annoyance, which it is feeding.  Unfortunately, I sometimes lack the self control to not take it out on those who are not deserving of being on the receiving end of this malice.  *sigh*

That is not to say that I'm not trying.  I'm looking for and applying for other jobs.  Right now, my main target is over at Regions.  The main problem that I'm running into is that, quite frankly, I have no experience with banking and its many little facets, which outweighs the rest of my experiences and education.  Most of what I've found over at Samford and UAB are jobs that I don't have any qualifications for either, which is highly unfortunate...at this point, I'm halfway tempted to see about applying at my bank because there's apparently a fair amount of promotion and turnover there...I've seen 10 different tellers since I've started with them nearly 2 years ago...two of them ended up moving up to branch manager, and one of the two is still there...the others...well, I don't know if they quit, got fired, got promoted out to another branch or what...but either way, it'd at least be a halfway decent job, even though I'd end up making less than I do now, but then most places wouldn't be able to pay me adequately for most of what I can do.  Then again, at this rate, with the way things are, so long as I can make ends meet with it, a job is a job.

Current Mood: tired

So I realize that it's been a while since I've ventured to post.  Lots of things have happened, some good, some bad.  I'll l the bad out to avoid being told that I'm being emo...not to mention to avoid offending certain people...

So yes, I have a job.  I'm workin at FedExKinkos down by the Galleria.  The job's not bad.  I'm starting in production, just like everyone else that doesn't go directly to self-serve, and they're grooming me to be lead project coordinator (formerly just project coordinator). That means that come the first of the year, when I'm elligible for raises and promotions and benefits and stuff, I'm getting all of the aforementioned. ^.^ As much as the hours irritate me (I'm averaging 60 hours a week so far), I like what I do and I like the people, so I can't really complain.

For those that I haven't spoken to in person or on the phone, yes, I'm seeing someone.  There's a particular lion that makes me giddy just at the thought of him...he's a positive sweetheart, and in just two short weeks after we made it 'official', he's done so many sweet things that I can't even begin to list them all.  On top of that, his parents have all but demanded that I be there for Thanksgiving, which I'm actually looking forward to.  It's kinda scary how many things are going right right off the bat, but I want to make this work, and he actually talks to me when I'm there as well as when I'm away, which is a big step in the right direction.

With work as it is now, I'm well on my way to getting things leveled out financially, which is partly due to actually having income, but mainly right now because I'm not around enough to do much of anything that costs money.  Now, if I could only call in debts, I'd be golden, but oh well...that'll happen soon enough.

Now it's back to looking busy until things happen around here because I'm absolutely exhausted...an 11 hour day on an empty stomach does that to me for some reason...

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Oi...so I'm going to let myself actually hope that something comes of tomorrow.  As it turns out, I have an interview (potentially a non-interview, but we'll see) with someone from a tech staffing firm about some positions they have that just opened up with clients that I might be suitable for...as long as it doesn't turn into me being led around by a string like when I went to see the other one, I guess it'll be alright.  Worst case scenario, they say I'm not suitable, and I'll just fill out an application for the chevron down the hill from us, because I really need to start making money now...erf...oh well.  we'll see.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Chevelle - I Get It

So I ended up spending the weekend out in Roanoke with Lizzy.  Spent some much needed time away and cleared my head a little.  Put a lot of pieces back where they belong after a little work on the miter and sander (don't worry if you don't get the reference...really) and I almost feel like a person again...almost.  I know I still have a lot of work to do...but I really just had to come back home.  I missed Vicky, Kodie, and Angel way too much...which is partly my own doing because I was trying to cut myself off...but anyway, it was much needed, yet I'm glad to be back home, even if things aren't ideal...it'll always be home to me.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: The Chemical Brothers - Do It Again

So I'm at Liz's place for a few days.  Well, actually I'm at the Panera Bread because I need wireless to use my laptop to get online, but I'm right down the road from her place anyway.  Kodie was right, though, as usual...We do need some time apart, and just the weekend isn't going to cut it.  The problem is twofold right now, though...money is tight...super tight...and I don't quite trust myself were I to go visit most of my male friends because I know that right now, in the emotional state that I keep slipping back into, I'd do something that I'd regret later on.  So after I take care of things here, I'll head back to B'ham and just get myself a part time job to bring some money in because I'm sick of pretty much being a freeloader right now. 

I've had some time to think things over and re-mold a couple pieces of the broken me, so being out here is definitely a good thing.  It would just be easier to get away if money wasn't such a problem because I don't feel right having to make the other person pay for gas and make/buy me foodums because I don't have the money myself...and I'm sooooo not going back to my parent's place.  They kinda know what happened, sans some obvious details that would have made their little heads explode, and my mom told me that they'd cover it if I wanted to come home, and then I reminded her that I'd have to fly if I wanted to do that, and she said fine...but I have no desire whatsoever to be near them...because, well, they're blood, and I have to love them to some extent, but I despise them and know that they really don't understand everything that's been going on, so their help would be limited to a place to sleep, and food, realistically.  But enough bitching, I guess...I'm gonna give the Panera people their table back since the place is fucking mobbed, and head back to Liz's to take a long hot shower...maybe stop off somewhere to get something other than booze or water to drink while I'm at it too.

Long story short, I'm doing better...and I hope that both Kodie and Angel are too with me not being there smothering them.  It's just going to take time...I just hope that I have the patience for it.

Current Location: Panera Bread - Tanglewood Mall
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: crappy muzac

So I post this after what's been hard on everyone involved: myself, my now former mates who I wish to keep as good friends after things cool down, our roommate, and my friends from online.  I'm not gonna lie, when it happened and it was decided that we split up, I felt like I lost the only thing that mattered to me in life, and to an extent, it still feels like that.  After a couple days, a couple weeks of crying and thinking, and a couple dreams that oddly enough explained a lot of things to me, I've come to terms with at least some of what happened and why, and yeah, I screwed up because I wasn't ready for the type of relationship that I was getting into, and I didn't know myself well enough to know the signs that I needed to step back...I still don't, but both Kodie and Angel were right...we're just too different to make it work.

Heck, I would have wanted nothing more than to make it work, and they both know that if I'd put myself to it, I would have at least tried to change myself to be what they wanted in a partner, but they won't take me back like that, and I'd already had several chances...I just chose to ignore what was going on.  That, and we all know that if I'd been given even a false hope that things could continue, I would have gone and tried to change myself, but for all the wrong reasons.  I need to want to do it for myself, not for someone else to fit into what they desire.  As bitter as I was about it at first, and as much as I cried my eyes out in confusion, I understand why things are the way they are.

So I start actually posting in this journal that I've had for a while now as a different wolf than I was before, striving to be a better fur so that I don't make the same mistakes with the next fur that I did with the first two people that I can honestly say that I love wholly and unconditionally, and despite the current situation, I know deep down that I always will, and want to have them as a part of my life.  I start posting as a new chapter in my life begins, and an old one gets earmarked so that I can look over the good times and smile at everything that they gave me that still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Abba - Gimme Gimme Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)